You Deserve More

You know that as incredible as you are, and as much love as you’re willing to give- you deserve so much more.

I know it can be hard to imagine a life without them. Ever since the moment your eyes locked, it’s as if a brand new life began. It seemed as though every previous memory was wiped away whenever they smiled at you, and you knew right then and there you would never be the same person again.

You just didn’t realize exactly what that meant.

You felt that chemistry right off the bat, and anyone who looked at the two of you could see there was something there. How could they not? No two people smile that wide, laugh that hard, or look at each other that way without an underlying tension being present. You knew that chemistry wasn’t the only thing it would take to make it work, though. You knew that flirty banter and charming smiles could only move you so far.

So when the moments progressed into late-night conversations about life, secrets that hadn’t been revealed to anyone else, and the kind words were spoken that felt all too heartfelt to be fake, you started to see something more here. You spent your days gushing to your friends about how incredible this person was. You would fall asleep at night with them on your mind- or even by your side.

Yet now, something always seems to be slightly missing, doesn’t it? The way they seem to bare their soul one moment, then completely shut you out the next. Or how they take the time to make you feel like you were the only person in the world, but then they go do the same thing with someone else. How you so desperately want to believe that this person truly wants to be with you in a real way, when the reality is this person is more concerned with wanting to be with you whenever it’s convenient. You can feel it in your bones that while at times, they might seem to be the person you could spend forever with, they also always kept themselves just out of your reach. They stay close enough to keep you holding on, but just far away enough to make sure they can always have an excuse to go.

Listen, you need to realize that you deserve more than someone who will never fully be yours.

I know it can be tempting to hold on to them. When you’re with them everything is perfect. It’s exactly the thing you’ve been searching for, and you can’t help but imagine how incredible it would be if this is the way things were all the time. You think if you just hold out a little longer then they’ll start to see it, too. But you have to realize that this isn’t the truth. These snapshots of moments are merely that- moments. They can make you feel incredible, and that’s okay. But they don’t show any type of real commitment to you. They only show part of a larger story.

Because yes, a person doesn’t have to commit to you to have feelings for you. They don’t have to stop seeing other people in order to send you sweet texts at night. Unless a person explicitly promises that they are committed to you, then they don’t owe you anything. You know that. Yet it’s also what makes the moments you’re apart so devastating. Because despite how connected you may feel to them, you know in your heart they aren’t wanting to be yours completely.

They might be able to spin all types of reasons as to why they’re so distant- that they’ve had their heart broken before, that the timing isn’t right, that they just aren’t ready. They let you know that they care about you so much, but you can see that this only applies to when they’re in the same room. They aren’t afraid of being seen with you, but they also won’t let you call them anything more than a casual partner.

They may have good intentions, babe. And maybe it’s true that they just aren’t ready- but that doesn’t mean you have to sit around and take the small amount of themselves they are willing to give. Not when your heart is screaming for a real, complete kind of love.

You deserve more. You deserve someone who truly wants to be with you, not just halfway. Someone who may be nervous or have all sorts of reasons to be distant but chooses to work through those fears because they know you’re worth it. Someone who isn’t just there for you sometimes, but who will be someone you can depend on. You deserve someone who can see that your heart and who you are is worth putting a name to. They aren’t trying to keep every option open due to fear of missing out, because they know that not being with you would truly be their biggest mistake. Someone who isn’t afraid of the risk involved to make things happen with you.

As hard as it is, you have to let them go so that you can leave yourself open to the kind of love you’re craving. You can’t force a person to love you the way you want- they have to want it, too. So don’t waste your time holding onto a hope that they will come around. You know deep down in your heart that they aren’t going to.

You deserve someone who fully wants to be yours, not someone who only wants you in pieces.

It’s okay to wish the person you’re so crazy about would love you in this way. It’s not asking for too much. It’s not unreasonable to want that kind of commitment. However, when they are showing you all the signs and frantically waving red flags left and right to show that this isn’t what they want, then you need to let them go. Not because you don’t have feelings anymore. Not because you suddenly stopped loving them. But because you started loving yourself more- enough to realize that your heart can only handle so much before it breaks.

You know that as incredible as you are, and as much love as you’re willing to give- you deserve so much more.

#lifelove #single


Things I wish I know when I was at my lowest.

“Stop letting people tell you things will be okay. Things will be BETTER than okay. Strive for that, my love. You deserve it.”

“Practice what you preach.”

That quote is something I have always told others, but have never been able to actually…practice. During my deepest and darkest times, I’ve sought out relief in toxic forms. Things that I am not proud of. But these behaviors have led me to a grandiose realization. I want to share with you the “rules” I continue to abide by when I feel myself slipping into that black hole; the place where we believe we can never escape. But there is hope, and here is my reminder to you.

Be gentle with yourself.

As the saying goes, “It’s okay not to be okay.” Your body hurts and your mind is exhausted. Rest. You need it. Don’t be afraid to tell your employer you need a day off. Don’t feel an obligation to go out for drinks when all you want is to be wrapped up in your favorite blanket. Don’t yell at yourself for not doing the dishes for the past few days. They’ll get done one way or another, silly. Leave your bed unmade. Cancel on plans when you would prefer isolation. Do what you need to do. Stop apologizing. Be kinder to yourself

Stop faking it!

There is a time and place for us to “fake it until we make it.” For example, how often do we force smiles at work when our hangovers feel fatal? One more time for the people in the back! But…in all honesty, it makes it exponentially easier to stick it out. Slapping on a smile, and chugging along, we learn to make it through the day. But when it comes to your mental health, especially if the severity of it is becoming unbearable, do NOT think for one minute that your fake smile is going to get you through the day…let alone the hour. Faking it becomes exhausting…and guess what? EVEN MORE CONFUSING. You’re attempting to heal yourself in the most authentic manner possible, and your facade is only going to cause you more pain.

If someone asks you how you are, let them know how you are! Prime example-today, my dear friend sent me a message saying, “I noticed that you haven’t said how you are yet and sometimes forget to answer when I ask…just as long as you know that when I ask, it’s not in passing or without sincerity.” She couldn’t have been more correct. When someone asks me how I am, my initial reaction is to DEFLECT. I’ve mastered the art of avoidance. Still. Despite me being in a significantly better place, I would rather ask YOU how YOU are, then respond to you asking me how I AM. If someone is genuinely curious as to how you are, you better be honest. You better tell them that things have been better but you are working on yourself and there WILL be an improvement. You better ask them for help if you need it. Above all else, you need to remind yourself that there are so many people who want to see your genuine smile again. Let them help you.

Don’t expect things to get better rapidly.

This is all a process. All of it. I know you’ve heard the phrase, “Life is a journey, not a destination!” but there is validity to it. We live in this fast-paced society where we all seek instant gratification: rapid weight loss pills, fast food, finding love online (ha). Despite the outcomes, we just want it all. We want it FAST. But the quality of your mental health isn’t supposed to happen quickly and effortlessly. There will be so many ups and downs…and there are days where you will want to give up. I still have those days. But don’t let yourself quit. If you’re reading this article right now, you either: 1. Have been forced by me or 2. You have found yourself at some crossroad, seeking a sign. ANY sign. Here it is. Here is your encouragement. Here is your reminder to KEEP FIGHTING. It won’t be easy. Stop letting people tell you things will be okay. Things will be BETTER than okay. Strive for that, my love. You deserve it.

Remind yourself, it’s temporary.

I find this to be one of the most important steps along the way. Do you know how many times I told my family, “this pain is never going to end.” I truly believed that…it scared the shit out of me. Was I really destined to spend the rest of my life…avoiding…life?! I forgot how to live all while I was busy simply surviving. And I was so cruel to myself. I allowed myself to think that I was a failure and I began to accept that this was the person I had become. I needed someone to tell me that this wouldn’t last forever. I stumbled upon the quote, “my current situation is not my permanent destination.” It clicked. This wasn’t going to last forever. I wasn’t going to ALLOW it to last forever. I was going to create a beautiful life for myself. I was going to be proud one day. And guess what? I am. I’m so fucking proud. I will always have my deficits. There will always be days where I want to quit. It doesn’t go away. But now I know…it’s all temporary.

My wish for you is that if you have forgotten how to smile, you relearn. And I hope that this time, that smile is genuine.